The Daily Struggle

"She asked me what causes the dimness in my eyes. I couldn't give her an answer or a reason right away. I thought to myself for a second before stringing together the words I had to say. Recovery isn't something that happens in a day, it is a long road heading in all directions. I don't think it ever get's better, there is no dead end.

Somedays you wake up with tears staining your pillow, and nightmares becoming your reality, you struggle to lift your head because you feel the weight of reality weighing you down. Somedays you won't eat, you'll sit staring at the streaks of rain trickling down your kitchen window and wonder.....why am I here?

Other days, however, you wake up feeling the warmth of your comforter and have a day filled without sadness. Somedays you roll down the windows in your car just to feel the sun on your face, and you scream your favorite song at the top of your lungs for no one but mother nature to hear.

These days you'll have often, and sometimes they'll outweigh the bad, and sometimes the bad will outweigh the good. On the bad days you'll hide in your room and tell your friends you're sick. You don't tell anyone about the sickening in your chest that causes you to hurl yourself onto the cold bathroom floor. These days, you carry a weight on your chest and a sadness in your eyes that causes breathing to become difficult.

Then one day you'll see the light. The smile you once had will return to your face, and the dimness in your eyes will subside. When these days come, which they will, take them as a blessing and when you lay in bed and the clock strikes 11:11, thank your lucky stars that for a day you're not damaged, but finally strong."